Goin' Crazy!
by Airurando
Summary: Warning: Contains excess silliness. View at your own discretion.
1. Scenes You'll Never EVER See!

Things you would never see on Gundam Wing...  
Yes, I know this has been done to the point of overkill, but I couldn't resist making a list of  
my own. *grin*   
  
THE SERIES...  
  
RELENA:Oh, Heero, you're such a good dancer.   
HEERO: Hn...   
RELENA: Are you still going to kill me?   
HEERO: Yes...   
RELENA: *giggle* Well, why would you want to kill me?   
HEERO: Because...   
RELENA: *annoyed* Why, what did I ever do to you?   
HEERO: You don't leave me alone! You're always following me around!! I can't have peace and quiet  
time!!! *grabs head and falls to the floor* AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! My head!!!   
RELENA: Hey, Heero... *giggle* You're really cute!  
  
TREIZE: *in bathtub* Lady Une, could you please bring me some more rose-scented bubble bath?  
UNE: Why of course, Master Treize. *produces container of sulfuric acid*  
TREIZE: *sees the container just in time and leaps out of the tub screaming like a little school  
girl* UNE! What on earth are you doing?  
UNE: What I should have done a long time ago. I'll kill you, and then I'll take over OZ!  
TREIZE: But, why?  
UNE: Because I don't like you.  
*chases Treize around waving the container of acid threateningly*  
TREIZE: Aaaaaaahhhhh!!!! HEEEELLLLPPPP MEEEEE!!!!!  
  
ZECHS: *in Epyon* Please, Noin. Don't stay with me in this battle; it's too dangerous. I don't   
want you to get hurt, even though I know you want to be by my side.  
NOIN: Why in the heck would I want to do a thing like that for? Risk my own safety just so I can  
"be by your side." You selfish pig! *flies away in her mobile suit*   
ZECHS: Noin! Wait! I-I didn't mean it like that!... Noin! *begins to sob*  
NOIN: I hope you die, you [censored]!  
  
  
DOROTHY: Hey, Quatre... *blushes* I think you're really cute.  
QUATRE: Like I care? Get away from me, [censored]!   
DOROTHY: *gasp* Quatre?! I thought you liked me...  
QUATRE: Ha! Why would I like a girl who is mean and nasty to me and stabs me? That's not very  
nice, Miss Dorothy! *pulls out gun* I'll make you pay for what you did!  
*chases Dorothy around with gun*  
  
TREIZE: Milliardo, I'll be waiting on the other side...  
BOOM! (Trieze dies)  
Later on...  
TREIZE'S GHOST: Milliardo... I'll be waiting...  
ZECHS: AAHHH!!! Stop following me! Help!  
NOIN: Hey, Zechs, who ya gonna call?  
ZECHS: Uh... The Preventers?  
NOIN: NO! Ghostbusters! ^.^  
ZECHS: -_-'  
TREIZE: Hey, watch it! :(  
  
RELENA (aboard shuttle): Oh, how sweet- a teddy bear! Wonder who it's from?  
*she opens the card*  
Hmm... Happy Birthday, love Heero. Oh! Heero says he loves me! I can't believe it! Hmm? What's  
this? It says, I'm counting down the hours till I can see you again as the clock ticks by...  
Oh, how romantic! Wait a minute... This teddy bear's making a ticking noise!  
*puts ear on bear*  
I wonder... Is it a clock? How strange...  
*Before she can say anything else, the bear explodes*  
Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!  
*appears covered in smoke and ashes*  
I'll get that Heero Yuy!  
HEERO: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Gotcha!  
*an angry Relena chases a laughing Heero with a large mallot*  
  
  
ENDLESS WALTZ...  
  
TROWA: (in Marimeia's army) Hey, Wufei, long time no see. I like your uniform.  
WUFEI: Oh, no, it looks much better on you- brings out the green in your eyes.  
  
HEERO: Wufei, why are you fighting with Marimeia's army?  
WUFEI: I can't tell you that.  
HEERO: Why not?  
WUFEI: It's too... embarrassing. *shudders*  
HEERO: Tell me or I'll kill you.  
WUFEI: FINE! She offered me a lifetime supply of Skittles and Doujinshi! How could I   
resist?  
HEERO: Doujinshi? About who?  
WUFEI: Uh... *sweatdrop*  
HEERO: *pulls gun* Spill it.  
WUFEI: Ok, I confess! Me and Sally!  
HEERO: You and Sally? Bwahahahahahaha!!!  
  
RASHID: I will go onto the disposal transport to retrieve the Gundams.  
QUATRE: *disinterested* Sure. Go ahead.  
RASHID: *hesitating* Well, it is awful dangerous...  
QUATRE: *shoving him out into space* Just go, ya chicken! I don't hire sissys like you! I should  
have sent you and the rest of the Maguanac Corp into the Sun!  
  
ZECHS: I find that I cannot sit quietly in my grave while Treize's spirit still roams among us.  
DEKAN: What?! Treize is a ghost?! That's scary! Everyone, watch out for Treize's ghost!  
TREIZE: BOO!  
EVERYONE: AHHHH!!!!  
  
MARIMEIA: Dekan, do you know what your name is spelled backwards?  
DEKAN: Shut up!  
MARIMEIA: *skipping around using a singsong voice* Naked! Naked! Hahahahaha!!  
DEKAN: *sweatdrop* I'm going to spell it Dekim from now on...  
  
QUATRE: We'll prioritize human life; there will be no casualties in this battle.  
DUO: Aw, man! How am I supposed to be the God of Death if nobody DIES??!!  
  
WUFEI: Heero! You've been under the water in Wing Zero for a long time!  
HEERO: .... *bubble*  
WUFEI: *impatient* Well, what are you doing?!  
HEERO: *bubble*  
WUFEI: *sigh* -_-' This is ridiculous... *Altron dives under water*  
HEERO: *Wufei finds him using Wing Zero cockpit as a big bath tub. He's wearing a shower cap  
and playing with a rubber ducky, and singing...* Rubber ducky, you're the one. You make bath time so much  
fun... *sees Wufei and blushes before pulling gun out of nowhere* If you tell a soul about this...  
WUFEI: I know, I know: You'll kill me. *quickly swims back to the surface and flies away in Altron*  
That was the freakiest thing I've ever see in my life!!!  
  
MARIMEIA: *still skipping around* Naked naked naked!!! Hahahahahaha!!!  
DEKIM: *red face* Shut up shut up shut up!!! Stupid kid!  
MARIMEIA: Aw, you changed the spelling of your name! I thought it was Dekan.  
DEKIM: It WAS, until you started calling me... well, that embarrassing word describing a lack of clothing.  
MARIMEIA: You mean...  
DEKIM: Oh no, here we go again...  
MARIMEIA: Naked naked naked! Hahahahahahaha!!!!  
DEKIM: -_-' Yeesh...  
  
AT RANDOM...  
  
QUATRE:Trowa, what are you going to do now that the war's over?  
TROWA: Well, I think I'll follow Heero's lead and try to kill myself.  
QUATRE: *horrified* But Trowa, why would you want to do a thing like that? You know, Sandrock   
told me...  
TROWA: You know Quatre, you and Sandrock can just blow off for all I care.  
  
QUATRE: Come on, Wufei, give me your gundam so I can blow it up like all the others!  
WUFEI: Fool! You are too weak to destroy Nataku!  
QUATRE: But... blowing stuff up is fun... heh heh... *starting to go crazy*  
WUFEI: Uh-oh... -_-'  
  
Quatre and the Maguanac Corp.  
QUARTRE: My next decree is that everyone of you shall wear little pink hats.  
RASHID: Master Quatre, I'm not wearing a pink hat.  
QUATRE: You'll do what I say, Rashid! Or else you're fired!  
RASHID: For one thing, I don't have to do what you say because I am thirty years older than you.  
And I don't even work for you, so you can't fire me.  
QUATRE: Fine then! You're hired, AND fired! Wahahahahaha!!!  
  
QUATRE: Would anyone like some tea?  
WUFEI: Why do you drink that stuff?  
QUATRE: Um... 'cause it's good?  
WUFEI: You fool! Tea is for the weak! Coffee is better!  
QUATRE: *sniffling* But... Why?  
WUFEI: Because it is stong!  
QUATRE: B-but tea has more caffeine, a-and...  
WUFEI: Shut up!  
QUATRE: *Crazy look* What did you say?...  
WUFEI: Oh crap... *sweatdrop*  
QUATRE: You'll die Wufei, 'cause I'm going to destroy everything!!! Mwahahahahaha!!!!  
WUFEI: NOOOO!!! Now I've done it!  
  
  
TROWA: Hey, everyone! Party at my place! Woo-hoo!  
WUFEI: Great, I'll bring the dip!  
HEERO: You don't have to- Duo's already here!  
ALL3: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
QUATRE: Party's are stupid. I'm not going.  
DUO: Me neither. I'd much rather sulk all by myself.  
  
TREIZE: Lady Une, you are the love of my life.  
UNE: Who? Me?  
TREIZE: Of course! Who else?  
LADY: Well, what about me?  
TREIZE: Err... Wha?  
UNE: You [censored]! He loves me!  
LADY: How could he? I'M the nice one!  
UNE: No, I am!  
LADY: I am!  
UNE: I AM!  
LADY: Hey, where did Master Treize go?  
UNE: You mean, General Treize.  
LADY: No... Oh, never mind.  
UNE: You said it.  
TREIZE: Somebody help me!!!  
  
HEERO: *on bended knee* Relena, my sweet, I love you so much. Will you marry me?  
RELENA: *slaps Heero across the face* As if! What, do you think I'm crazy? I'd never marry you!  
You're an insane trigger-happy freak! You're dangerous! *runs off crying to Milliardo*  
  
HEERO: Would anyone like some tea?  
  
THE END... Or is it? Ba ba BUMMM!!! *dramatic music*  
  
Well, I'd say that's about enough of that! However, I'm thinking of continuing the insanity with  
another chapter- This one would be the Gundam Pilots in occupations you'd never see! At least  
it's semi-original. I also had the idea of writing a Gundam Wing kareoke scenario... hehehe...  
I'm only publishing this story just to get some stuff online while I finish my action/adventure   
story, "At All Costs." If you guys like this and want me to write the next chapter of silly   
occupations and songs, give me some feedback! Maybe you even have a few ideas you'd like   
to share...  
Later!  
~Aerie 


	2. New Occupations

Part Two- Gundam Wing occupations you'd never see!  
  
Trowa as an auctioneer...  
TROWA: DoIhear45454545454545?Ok!Shesaid45!DoIhear46464646?47!Hesaid47?How'bout50,folks?DoIhear50505050505050?Thankyou,ma'am!Shesaid50!How'bout55?No?Ok, then, the Heero Yuy poster goes to the little lady in the pink dress for $50!  
RELENA: ^.^ YAY! I got the Heero poster! *runs up and receives it from Trowa*  
DOROTHY: Dang it. It was almost mine. Too bad I was five bucks short.  
SCARY FANBOY: Dang it... It was almost mine!  
DOROTHY: .... ;.;  
QUATRE: Wow, Trowa, I never knew you could talk so fast! You make a great auctioneer.  
TROWA: .....  
QUATRE: Hmm? That's strange. I thought for sure you'd be more talkative now!  
TROWA: .....  
QUATRE: Oh, I see. (He must save his voice for when he needs it.)  
  
Duo as a fast food worker...  
DUO: *flipping burgers* Hey, don't knock this job- it's actually pretty fun!  
WUFEI: *smirk* Nice uniform... *motions to Duo's bright yellow and red outfit complete with a ridiculous beanie on his head*  
DUO: Well, I happen to think I look pretty spiffy- So there! :P  
CUSTOMER: Excuse me! *tapping foot impatiently*  
MANAGER: Hey, you braided baka! Stop chatting with your bishie friend there and go serve the customer!  
DUO: *saluting* Yes, Sir!  
MANAGER: Don't get smart with me, or I'll reduce your pay.  
DUO: *gulp* Yes, sir.  
WUFEI: *evil grin* What a moron...  
DUO:.... Would you like fries with that? *sigh* -.-'  
  
Quatre as a pro-wrestler...  
ANNOUNCER GUY: Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourself for the fight of a lifetime. In one corner of the ring, we have the Bishie Thrasher, weighing in at 300 pounds!  
BISHIE THRASHER (BT for short): I hate baka bishonen! I will crush them all! YAH! *flexes*  
ANNOUNCER: He sure looks like he could do some damage, doesn't he? In the other corner, we have a blond bishonen who says he's only "fighting for peace."  
AUDIENCE: Awwwww!!!!  
ANNOUNCER: Iiiiitttttt'sss Quatre Rebaerba Winner!  
QUATRE: *gulp* Um, hi...  
BT: I'm gonna wipe the floor with you, you silly little girly man made out of wood!  
QUATRE: *sweatdrop* What?!?  
BT: Baka bishonen ki!  
QUATRE: Oh... But I-I don't wanna fight! This is supposed to be a peaceful time!  
DOROTHY (Quatre's coach): Come on, baby, you can do it! You're a star! *rubs Quatre's shoulders and hands him a bottled water* Go in there and kick Big Boy's butt!  
QUATRE: But I don't wanna kick his butt! *sniffle*  
DOROTHY: What if I told you that he has his own army of mobile suits poised to take over the world and terminate pacifism for future generations?  
QUATRE: Well, when you put it that way... @_@ He's gotta DIE!!!!!  
DOROTHY: :) Good boy, Quatre! Now go get that tub of lard!  
*she pushes Quatre into the ring*  
DING! DING!  
ANNOUNCER: Lllllletttttt'sssss get ready to rumblllllleeeeeee!!!!!!  
DOROTHY: Gosh, he's annoying... -_-'  
QUATRE: @_@ Heh heh... I'll destroy everything... Heh heh...  
BT: What is he talking about? He's a wimp! YAAAAHHHHH!!!! *charges Quatre*  
QUATRE: I'LL DESTROY YOU! *charges Thrasher*  
*They collide with a big thud, and Quatre ends up underneath the humongous Bishie Thrasher*  
QUATRE: *squash! splat!* Oof... @.@ *unnatural crunching sounds are also heard*  
ANNOUNCER: *winces* Oooh! That's gotta hurt!  
AUDIENCE: Oooohhh!!!!  
DOROTHY: NO! Quatre! Fight back!  
REFERIE: 1...2...3... The winner is the Bishie Thrasher!  
BT: *leaps up triumphantly* I did it! I thrashed a bishie! Hahahaha!!!! :D  
DOROTHY: Quatre, are you all right?  
QUATRE: @.@ Ohhh..... *falls over, dizzy*  
DOROTHY: *catches him* It's okay, champ, it was just one bad fight. You can keep going.  
QUATRE: No... I'm not cut out to be a wrestler if I can't even fight back!... Ugh... @.@  
DOROTHY: Then come back and squish him in Sandrock!  
QUATRE: I wish...  
DOROTHY: What's that?! You mean you want to fight him again?!  
QUATRE: No! I never said that!  
DOROTHY: Yes, you said you wished you could squish him in Sandrock!  
QUATRE: No I didn't!  
DOROTHY: Come on, champ, no time to waste! ^_^ We've got to train you for the next fight!  
QUATRE: Nooo!!!! ;_;'  
  
Wufei as a teacher...  
WUFEI: Okay, class, let's begin. Please take out your notebooks and follow along... if you can. *smirk*  
*begins on a very long lecture about war with no intention of pausing*  
STUDENT#1: Mr. Chang!  
WUFEI: How dare you interrupt me like that! Raise your hand first!  
STUDENT#1: Gomen! *raises hand*  
WUFEI: That's better. Now, what?  
STUDENT#1: Could you repeat the part about the peace coalition?  
WUFEI: WHAT?!  
STUDENT#1: Umm... *sweatdrop* I asked you to repeat the part about-  
WUFEI: I head what you said, Baka! But there are no repeats in my class! Get out!!!  
STUDENT#1: But, Mr. Chang-  
WUFEI: I SAID GET OUT!!!  
STUDENT#1: Yipes!!! *runs out of the room*  
WUFEI: *takes a deep breath and returns to normal* All right, then. Any more questions?  
CLASS: ........  
WUFEI: I didn't think so. *evil smile* As I was saying, before I was so RUDELY interrupted...  
*class continues without Wufei ever being interrupted or questioned again. However, all of the students dropped his class, so Wufei lost his job as a teacher. Oh well!*  
  
AUTHOR (Aerie): Hmmm? What next?  
RELENA: You haven't written about Heero yet!  
AERIE: So....?  
RELENA: You have to put Heero in this fic!  
AERIE: *raises eyebrow* Why...?  
RELENA: *getting flustered* Just... 'Cause!  
AERIE: I can't think of a good occupation for him.  
TROWA: You can't do anything with Heero. Better just leave him alone.  
AERIE: Wow! Two sentences! Impressive.  
TROWA: .....  
AERIE: Well, that shut you up real quick.  
DUO: I know what you can do with Heero!  
AERIE: What, Duo?  
*Duo whispers to Aerie*  
Are you sure?  
DUO: Of course I'm sure! It'll be hilarious!  
AERIE: Even more hilarious than you working at a fast food joint?  
DUO: *thinks for a minute* Actually... No, but it'll still work!  
AERIE: Ok, if you say so...  
  
Heero as...  
Barney, the brainless, kid-friendly, purple dinosaur!  
TA-DAA!!!  
*Heero appears in a big purple Barney suit*  
HEERO: I'll kill you. *pulls gun*  
DUO: Uh-oh. Not a very happy Barney, are you Heero?  
BANG! BANG!  
Yikes! *Duo runs away from the Perfect Soldier turned Purple Dinosaur*  
AERIE: Come on, Heero, can't you take a joke? Heh heh...  
HEERO: *thinks for a second*.... No!  
BANG BANG!  
AERIE: Ahhh!!!! *runs away*  
TROWA: What'd I tell you? No one listens to me, just because they think I can't talk...  
YAOI FANBOY: I'd listen to you any day, Trowa. ^.^  
TROWA: Um... ;_; Gotta go...  
*runs off with the others*  
FANBOY: Oh, well. At least I've still got Heero here in his cute little Barney suit.  
*Ka-chek*  
*Heero points his gun directly at Fanboy*  
HEERO: You come one step closer and I'll drill you full of lead.  
FANBOY: Ohhhh, that is sooo kawaii! ^.^  
HEERO: @_@' Shut up!  
BANG BANG!  
FANBOY: ^_^ Wow! Your shooting skills are soo cool! Heero, you are my favorite anime character!   
HEERO: -_-'  
RELENA: Heero! Oh, Heero, I've found you! What have they done to you?  
FANBOY: AHHH!!! It's Relena- RUN!!! *scampers off*  
RELENA: Umm... What was that about?  
HEERO: You don't want to know...  
  
We'd better just end it there, before Heero gets angrier! I suppose I could have written about the other  
characters in the show, but I only felt like covering the five pilots. So, what's next?  
A kareoke contest, perhaps. *evil grin* Hehe... We'll see...  
~Aerie 


End file.
